The result.

Mother phoned me last Friday (a week ago) saying what do I think I'm doing sending her two nasty emails.  I've really hurt her and upset her and she's only ever tried to be a good parent.  If I won't talk to her how are we supposed to move this relationship forward.

She doesn't give a thought to the point that she might have upset and hurt me.  You will gather from the emails that I sent her that I have explained and explained what is happening with Joel and why it's happening but it's not good enough for her.  And she's horrified that I dare be so blunt and abrupt with er.  But I've tried explaining it nicely and politely many times and she's not listened or remembered.

Yes Joel has a speech disorder / a speech delay.  He gets 10 mins one to one a day with the teaching assistant doing speech therapy games / exercises set by the speech therapist.  This is age appropriate for Joel, he's only 5!  When they're doing work at their tables in the classroom either the teacher or the teaching assistant always sits on Joel's table.  He is happy, he has friends, he likes school, he's making progress.  I don't know what more my parents want.  They think they will get a better service by paying for it.  They think they'll get some flick of a switch miracle cure and Joel will be able to talk properly if they pay for it.

Mother doesn't understand why I get upset and cross with her when she's apparently just being a concerned grandparent and wants the best for Joel.  Yes she might, but she goes the wrong way about it.  I told her that it was her problem if the help Joel gets at school isn't good enough for her.  And there was always something that wasn't good enough for her.  But she wanted examples.  The examples that are in this post http://survivorandstillhere.blogspot.com/2012/03/stuff.html and that I was not prepared to give on the phone last week as she is totally oblivious to all of it as she lives in her middle class bubble.  If I explain she'll say why didn't I say something at the time (which is a fair point) but we've never been close friends and she's never really been approachable.  She'll twist things so that I've hurt and upset her and she's only ever tried to be a good parent.  She won't be able to accept that she's done things wrong, that she's treated me and my brother's differently.  She'll be horrified and mortified that these things happened and she wasn't aware of it.  Although I've been wanting to ask her for years if she knew that this, this and this happened and if she did why the heck didn't she do anything about it.

I've been ranting, raving, moaning and repeating myself  for far too long.  But you get the point.  I'm hurt, upset and annoyed and have been for maybe 2 weeks.  It's not good!  I don't know what to do now though.  Two close / good friends both suggested that I A) Accept that things aren't great, that me and mum are not likely to be friends or see eye to eye but let the current storm blow over and continue as we have been doing for years which is seeing them periodically and letting the children have an unbiased and happy relationship with their grandparents. While me and Paul aren't close to them and aren't particularly friends with them but we spend time with them anyway 'cos they're my parents and we ought to make and effort.  Or B) talk to mother explain all of the last 16 years, let her have her hissy fit at me and be hurt and upset 'cos I've hurt her and it's all my fault.  Then see what happens after that, face the unknown reaction after the initial storm and hope that baring all will produce and begin a friendship with mother.

Option A is the way it's been for years, it's not ideal but it works and we lie with it.  Option B is currently too hard and too unknown.  I'm not prepared to put myself in the position and to make myself vulnerable.  At the moment she's not talking to me and she's upset 'cos how could I be like this to her.  At the minute I don't know what to do and can't see the way forward.  But need to get out of the upset miserable place I've been in for the last week.  It doesn't help that the children aren't sleeping well at the moment so I've been really tired for the last couple of weeks.  And I'm bored.  It'll be two weeks on Monday since I handed my last essay in. I'll miss uni the time I'm off.  Still thinking about getting a job.  Although I need to find one that's financially viable!  Right I'm going to bed.  Night to anyone who actually reads this.