Yes I’m grumpy, yes I’m annoyed so yes I write a blog
post. Someone really annoyed and upset
me at uni today.
At uni I was talking about a friend who is a single mum,
has two children in care, a 6 year old and a 10 day old. She was abused as a child, had her first
child at 14 or 15. She has lived with
her mum who has brought her kids up until they went into care and until 4 or so
years ago when she moved out with the now 6 year old. She was on drugs for a number of years but
has now been clean and on methadone for 7 years. She has a mild learning disability. The 6 year old has behavioural problems. The 6 year old is approx. to years behind at
school possibly due to neglect, a learning disability and behavioural
problems.
She wanted a baby, so she slept with at least 2 guys
(possibly one night stands or possibly very short relationships) to get
pregnant. She chose to bring a child
into this world when she knew she would be on her own. Now she is complaining that she has no
help.
What I was trying to say at uni is that my friend lacks
parenting capacity and skills and is unwilling to go anywhere to learn
them. So she is struggling with a 6yr
old and a 10 day old. With her background as listed above the life prospects of
the youngest two aren’t great. I have
said before she is unlikely to cope.
But apparently I am being arrogant, judgemental and
oppressive. And how can I think of
practicing as a social worker when I live in a middle class bubble and have
these attitudes. She really upset
me. I merely think I was being
realistic. However I don’t / didn’t explain
myself very well and I am rubbish at defending myself when put on the
spot.
The uni person said she buried her first child at 14, she
is a product of the care system. She now
has a husband and 3 well educated children in good schools and is doing a
degree. She’s in her early 30s I
think. And because she did all these
things I am being oppressive towards my friends by saying that she can’t. I think I am realistic if you look at my
friend’s life history and background she has had few opportunities and no
education etc. I don’t think I’m being
judgemental.
This has really upset me and annoyed me hence ranting
about it.
