Grades.

So… my grades…

Children’s module – 60%

Law – 69%

Adults – 52%

Dissertation – due back on 28^th May

Placement – due back at the beginning of October 

If I get 60% or more in my dissertation and Placement I’ll scrape a 2:1.  Otherwise I’ll scrape a 2:2, which I don’t know if or how it will affect my job applications.  But still I’ve done a 3 year degree over 4 years, I’ve been ill for 2 of those years and have done all 4 years with 2 young children and negligible support from extended family and a little support from Paul.  So a 2:2 would be fine, it’s just I got a 2:1 in my first degree and I thought I’ve done it before, I can do it again!  

Politics!

I have refrained from posting my political opinions on Facebook.  But I’m gutted!  5 years ago I had no real political opinions. Four years of a social work degree and studying social policy have taught me a better understanding of politics. 

So my understanding, Scotland chose not to vote for independence.  Yet now the majority of Scotland have voted for the SNP which has caused Labour and the LibDems to lose a load of seats which has had a huge impact on Westminster and the political make up of England and the whole of the UK. 

This country now faces another 5 years of austerity, cut backs, tax breaks for the rich.  I may well be being stereotypical.  I haven’t done the research but I heard that 66% of the UK voted.  What’s the betting that was the wealthiest 66% of the UK?  People think their vote doesn’t matter or count, it does!  

Plod on...

I’m tired, grumpy and cold, sat in the library at uni trying to work but lacking in motivation and concentration.  I have 2000 words to go.  I need to write 333 words a day in the 6 days I have available to work before the deadline.  This should be easy, slow progress, but I just want to go home and do nothing or go home and go to bed!  I feel like I’m waffling as well, I need to somehow be more concise and critical.  :-( Oh well plod on… 

Keep going...

So a weekly update.  I could easily start with the same paragraph as last week.  I’m sat in the library tired and would rather be doing nothing or have gone back to bed.  But I need to do my children’s essay.  I’m up to 1300 words though so 2700 to go and 8 days to do it.  That’s 340 words a day.  That’s not an unmanageable task.  Not helped by not doing any work yesterday though. 

I need to plod on, keep going.  I’, not convinced I’m writing the right thing though.  I’m not critically evaluating or critically analysing enough.  They are not things I am good at!  I can write about the subject area etc but I’m not critical enough.  Anyway, plod on…

Where am I at?

So where am I at?  The same place as usual!  Sat in the library about to start my children’s essay, when I’d much rather have not got up in the first place this morning or alternatively have taken the children to school and then gone back to bed! 

By dissertation by some miracle is finished and handed in without me using my extension. I finished it last week then spent a few days proof reading and editing.  I am also grateful to the two friends who have read it for me.  I had my dissertation printed and bound on Monday and I handed it in yesterday.  It’s due in today. So well done me.  Now to start my children’s essay for which I currently have books, an essay plan and the first 100 words, which is a start I guess. 

Paul is the same as ever.  Does mostly what he likes when he likes.  Never gets up at the same time as me in the mornings and never comes to at the same time as me.  He’s been doing some job hunting and is applying for some jobs, but not enough. 

Me, no change really, always really tired regardless of how well or badly I have slept.  Feeling pretty rubbish and down.  I hate / strongly dislike having one or probably two invisible illnesses. 

Anyway, must get on.  

The dreaded law exam!

I've probably text most people who read this by now but...

I am in shock!! After failing the mock law exam. I got 55% (C) in the reflective account (essay), 75% (an A / 1st) in the exam and a combined grade of 69%!!! (1% below an A / a 1st). It just shows that apart from the one thing I missed out of the mock exam that made me fail, the rest of my mock exam must have been good!!

The usual moan!

I’ve not had a moan yet this week, so here goes!!  I’ve got about 1800 words to go on my dissertation and about 10 days to do it (if I don’t use my extension).  I’ve written an essay plan for the children’s essay, that’s 4000 words and due in in 4 weeks.  I feel like I’m doing my dissertation without any / not much support.  My tutor isn’t very approachable or easy to contact, and when I have emailed her she’s not given me much advice. 

A new friend from church brought me a book to borrow that I needed and I hadn’t even asked her if she had it and if I could borrow it!  I had just said it was on my Christmas list and no one had bought me it.  So I now have her copy to borrow for a couple of weeks. J 

I’ve been pretty tired and achey this week, and not feeling great in myself.  Paul’s definition of making an effort is doing more jobs around the house, it doesn’t involve making and effort in talking to and supporting me more!  He has or is applying for a couple of jobs this week though. 

Would love to go back to bed or have not got up in the first place!  But I need to plod on, small / slow progress is better than no progress.  I rebelled on Tuesday morning and kicked Paul out of bed at 7.15 to sort the children out and take them to school and got up at 9.45.  I should do it more often, but I rarely do. 

I can’t remember what (else) I was going to write now.  So I’ll plod on with my chapter 3 and might come back and edit this later.  

Don't want to do this!

So what would I like to do today?  Stay in bed, have a lie in, not take the children to school, stay in bed and read a book, then have a nap, then read some more and watch some iplayer.  I'm 2 weeks behind on Call the midwife and 3 weeks behind on The Voice I think.  Sadly that's not going to happen.  

I slept reasonably well, about 11 - 6.  I feel like crap this morning though, really tired and down.  Got up and took the children to school.  Now in the uni library.  I just submitted my draft work of my dissertation so far through "turn it in" and it came back at 9% so that's ok. "Turn it in" looks at plagiarism and if you've quoted stuff without referencing it etc. I'm up to 7000 words now, so 3 - 4000 words to go and 3 weeks. I've finished the first draft of my chapter 2 and the second draft of my chapter 1 so I'm not doing too badly!!

Need to plod on despite feeling rubbish. Any progress is good progress. And if I stay at home I'm very unlikely to do as much work as I would in the library. So on to proof reading and editing chapter 3...

Half Term

So the obligatory I should be working blog post.  I’m back in the library after not coming in for about 12 days.  I wrote last week off for uni work.  I had 4, 5 – 6 hour shifts at work, 2 lectures and took Joel and Esther out to play twice plus Joel had a hospital appointment.  At the beginning of half term Me, Joel and Esther went to Newcastle for the weekend.  Which was fun, tiring and some good but hard conversations. 

Last weekend we went to York on Friday and came back yesterday evening.  I don’t have the energy or time right now to fully overview half term or both weekends.  We went to the Viking museum on Saturday afternoon, as Joel is doing the Viking Museum this half term at school.  Esther wanted to go swimming and Joel wanted to go to the cinema but no one was really willing to take them. 

Saturday and most of Sunday there were 9 of us.  Sunday evening there were 14 of us for dinner and 19 later on.  A combination of aunties, uncles and cousins plus my parents and brothers.  Monday was my Grandma’s funeral.  It was a lovely service and was well attended.  Even though it was my Grandma’s funeral, Everybody who’s anybody in my mother’s life turned out to support her which was really lovely to see.  Joel and Esther went to play with my old youth leader while we went to the crematorium then we picked them up and took them to the after do / lunch at a hotel with us. 

Didn’t enjoy the weekend though, hard work, no fun, felt very unsupported by those that were there.  Supported though by friends who text and messaged me, thank you.  J I can’t be doing with my family or extended family.  No one talks to me, no one’s interested in me.  Some of them say hello and gave me a hug, then didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day / evening.  I’m fed up of being ignored, not fitting in and not feeling wanted or part of the family.  I don’t know why, I have my suspicions that it’s because I’m not rich enough, not posh enough, not girly enough (not bothered about make up or a posh hair do), have no interest in the (upper) middle class bubble that they all live in.  Who knows?!  But I’ve had enough of it. 

Anyway, must try and concentrate, must do some work.  I need to finish my chapter 2 and start my chapter 3.  Word count wise I’ve got anything from 100 – 300 words to write.  In content I need to detail my journal articles a bit more and say more about the research studies.  Hopefully get chapter 2 finished this afternoon.  Anyway, as usual, back to it!  

Grandma

So, my Grandma's funeral is Monday 16th.  What hymns would a 96 year old supposedly non Christian choose for her funeral?  Apparently Onward Christian Soldiers and Angels Voices Ever Ringing Round Thy Throne of Light.  Both of which I know the tunes to but only know the first couple of lines without the words.

Mother says Grandma wasn't a Christian and who knows where she is now 'cos she's not in heaven.  I beg to differ.  She has always shown and interest in Church, went occasionally and I don't think it's for mother to say where her heart was.  She has heard the gospel more than once over the course of her life.  And just because she never told mother that she had given her heart to Christ or become a Christian, I don't think that means that she never did it.  I wouldn't be surprised if she quietly believed in her old age.  That's what I think anyway.

Anyway, I have 4 half days at work this week and 2 half days at uni.  And we're going to York Friday - Monday.  So busy, busy, busy and I need to go to bed.  Night all.

This week.

So, my progress, I’ve written 700 words so far this week, which is great.  Mainly written on Saturday, Monday and Tuesday.  My overall total is 4500 words, which sounds impressive!  Only 5500 to go in 6 weeks!  Minus half term when I’m unlikely to do any work, so make that 5 weeks. 

So my Grandma died yesterday about 5.30pm.  My mum rang about 6pm.  I cried for about half an hour, probably shock more than anything.  I’ve been ok since.  I wasn’t close to her and didn’t really have a relationship with her.  I last saw her at Christmas.  She was 96.  Last week, maybe Tuesday or Wednesday she had a mini stroke.  She rallied and was back in her residential home a couple of days later.  My aunty, uncle and his wife all visited last weekend.  My dad has just been to Portugal for a week so wasn’t around. 

I invited mum over to Derby last Saturday as I thought she was on her own, but she said she was ok and my aunty was there for the weekend.  Then my uncle and his wife ended up going as well.  On Monday I offered to go to York, but she said she was ok.  Then Tuesday morning, my Grandma got out of bed, fell over and broke her wrist.  My brother visited York from Tuesday to Thursday.  Again on Tuesday or Wednesday I spoke to mum and offered to go over on Friday, so after my brother had left and she was indecisive and said she’d let me know. 

Then on Thursday morning, my Grandma had a heart attack, my brother was there and was understandably quite upset to witness it.  But again she made a remarkable recover and rallied initially before dying yesterday evening. 

Mum said in an email how lovely it was to have my brother there and that she appreciated him having 2 days off work to visit.  Yet I offered twice and was ignored.  My dad got back Thursday evening so is back to support mum.  I’m not that upset about her dying, it was going to happen sooner or later.  The last few times we’ve seen her we didn’t know if it would be the last. 

I think I’m more annoyed and upset about my mother’s attitude of the last week or so and making a big deal about my brother visiting when I had offered and wasn’t wanted.  But that’s my mother all over and she doesn’t change.  One rule for the boys and another for me.  She skyped my brother in Spain last night and I assume phoned my other brother.  Yet I got a 2 minute phone call yesterday. 

She did ring this morning though and said were there any dates we couldn’t do for the funeral.  That was nice of her but I said we were flexible, I have uni but I have a good attendance rate so missing a lecture or two won’t matter.  I think we can miss 3 out of 10 before we get into trouble, but I rarely miss any.  Joel has a hospital appointment on the potential day of the funeral, an appointment we’ve been waiting about 6 weeks for.  But again although this is inconvenient it doesn’t matter and can easily be rearranged. 

Paul had a phone call on Monday saying could he do a second interview on Friday.  But they then phoned yesterday and said it was cancelled.  So we’re not sure what’s going on there, he’s not had a returned call with the reason for cancellation yet. 

Yet again I’m moaning before working.  Must do some work.  Yesterday afternoon I was going to work in the library but ended up going to a friend’s house instead.  Right, 300 words to write to meet my 1000 word target for this week. 

Quick one

So Saturday afternoon I decamped to the university library and wrote 400 words.  I need to be writing 1200 words a week though, I'm still behind.  I've taken the children to school and come in to the library again.  If this is the best / only way to get work done then so be it.  Paul winds me up by just sitting at the computer doing nothing / playing his game.

In other news, in the nicest possible way, my Grandma is on the way out.  She had another mini stroke last week and is apparently very frail and sleeping a lot.  My Dad's disappeared to Portugal for a week.  My Aunty and Uncle (Mum's brother and sister) have gone to York.  I've offered to go up a couple of times but haven't had a Yes I want you from mother, so haven't bothered going yet.  If she asks or wants me to go then I will otherwise I'm staying put.

So, how many words can I write today!?

Yes, I'm still moaning.

This is not good!  Yes I know I should get off Facebook and get off Blogger.  Not enough work happening.  I should have written 2000 words in the last 2 weeks and I’m on about 400 words.  I might have to decamp to the university library next week to make sure I do some work. 

I have no motivation, no energy, no focus and no concentration.  It’s silly, I’m stressed because I have loads of work to do yet I can’t get on with it because I’m stressed and struggle to concentrate.  Chronic fatigue, depression and stress are not a good combination for accomplishing anything. 

Having Paul around doesn’t help.  I’m sick of the sight of his computer game, it just winds me up the way he spends 12 hours a day on it and thinks this is reasonable.  I wrote him a list of jobs 2 months ago when he finished work, he ignored it.  He cleans the kitchen and bathroom occasionally and does the dishwasher most days.  But there’s loads of jobs he could be doing and decorating, but he just never asks if there’s any jobs he could be doing and never does anything on his own initiative. 

Anyway I’ll stop wasting time and stop moaning.  

Interview and dissertation.

So Paul has an interview, right now.  He was really nervous, I think he quite wants this job.  He didn’t apply for it.  He applied for an IT Technicians job and the agency phoned him and said we have another vacancy that we think is more suited to your experience and CV.  It’s IT Trainer – Team Leader.  So, praying friends, please pray. 

If he got it, we think we could run two cars as it’s more money than his last job.  We always assumed that any job he got after being made redundant would be a pay drop.  I think it’s boosted his confidence just that someone’s looked his CV and recommended him for a job.  He has been an IT Trainer for 10 years, he does have a lot of experience, but he doesn't have much in the way of qualifications to prove on paper what he can do.  He did above and beyond his job role for many years.  So hopefully his knowledge and experience will come through. 

As usual I should be working.  I had a tutorial with my dissertation yesterday.  Basically my first draft of my first chapter is fine / good.  It just needs minor editing.  I can cope with minor editing!!  And she said she likes my writing style.  I just need to keep going with it, find some discipline and motivation to keep going with it.  I need to be writing 1000 words a week or more and I’m not.   Either I’m too tired or my head is too full of other stuff or everything else to concentrate. 

Anyway, to praying for Paul, then to lunch then hopefully to some focused dissertation studying!!  

Same old same old.

The story of my life, tired and grumpy and I want to go back to bed.  The thing is if I go back to bed there’s no guarantees I’ll get to sleep, which makes it a waste of time. 

I should be writing my dissertation, but struggling to get back into it in the last week or so.  I need to be writing about 1200 words a week to be done on time.  I only wrote 400 words last week plus doing some planning.  I thought about going to the library to work today, but Paul needed the car and I can’t be bothered to get the bus.  I may resort to library days to get more work done though. 

I slept from about 11 – 3 last night.  Then was awake or awake on and off from 3 – 4.30.  And slept from 4.30 – 6.30 ish.  Joel got up and took a while to go back to sleep, then I couldn’t get back to sleep. 

Paul has an interview on Wednesday, so prayers for that please.  I don’t like not being able to plan things!  Need to know if he’ll be off February half term or if I need to ask friends to have the children.  A lovely kind friend offered to pay our train fare for us to go and visit her yesterday.  J I reckon we’ve been friends for close to 20 years.  So looking forwards to that now. 

Well, think I’ll have lunch then try and get some work done.