I often think about writing / blogging then don’t get
round to it or write in my diary instead.
Christmas? What’s
it really about? Christmas for me is all
about Jesus. The Saviour of the World,
the King of Kings, the miraculous birth.
What do I want to do at Christmas? Go to church on the Sundays either side of
Christmas and go to church on Christmas day.
(I know Christmas Day is a Sunday this year).
I’m so Bah humbug, I’m such a scrooge. I think I’ve written similar posts at Christmas
before. I strongly dislike a lot of
things about Christmas. I dislike the hype,
the commercialisation, the shopping, the
food, the trees, the presents, the family time, the fakeness, the obligations.
I’ve ditched a lot of Christmas this year. Paul, Joel and Esther put the tree up. I’ve avoided nearly all the shopping and wrapping. I’ve bought presents for Paul, Joel and Esther.
I’ve found out what my family want and instructed Paul in what to
buy. Paul’s done all the rest of the
Christmas shopping on Amazon and all the wrapping. It’s not that I begrudge giving and spending
money on people, I don’t at all. I just
hate the shopping. I’d quite happily
give everyone money / vouchers and skip the shopping part.
The food – I don’t
intend on cooking anything out of the ordinary!! Going to my parents for the weekend so no
cooking for me!! I’m not that fussed
about turkey or roast dinners. I don’t
like Christmas pudding, mince pies or Christmas cake.
I’m not into playing happy
families and fake family
time. I spend approximately 3 or 4
weekends a year with my older brother and his wife. I spend a bit more time than that with my
younger brother maybe 6 weekends. My
brothers are not my friends and they know very little about me or my life. My older brother especially is snobby, arrogant,
ignorant and rude. My parents again have
never been my friends or emotionally supportive and they don’t know much about
my life or my friends.
Going to the in-laws is worse. I’m not going this year, I have refused to
go. I have been married 14 years and I
still feel like I don’t know my in-laws very well or that I really have a
relationship with them. Well Paul’s Dad
and step-mum anyway. I get on with his
mum. He’s spent roughly £250 on presents
for his family and extended family and another £100 on Premier Inn to go and
stay for 3 nights. I just don’t get
it. I just don’t see the point. I’d rather buy Christmas presents for close
friends who openly love and support me day in day out than for extended family
who we see for 2 weeks of the year and who we don’t talk to for months on
end.
I am also not up for playing happy families when me and
Paul are barely talking and have no relationship or marriage. He lives like a bachelor / house mate with a
bit of parenting thrown in most of the time.
So I said to Paul that I’m not going. So there’s my Bah humbug post for now!!
What do I want for Christmas? I want my marriage back. I want my husband to be my partner and my
best friend. I want my husband to
support me and talk to me. I want a new
school place for Joel, I want him to be happy, to make new friends, to be more
confident. Failing a miraculous change
in my husband, I want my independence, I want to move out, I want my own
house. I want to be well. Screw you chronic fatigue and depression, I
just want to feel ok, to feel good and have energy. I want to grow in my relationship with God, I
want to stick by His side, to trust Him and have faith in Him unreservedly. The things I want for Christmas are mainly
thing that money can’t buy, but that God can provide.
Being selfish I want:
-
My driving license back
-
More hours at work
-
My own house
-
Financial independence
So we’ll see what 2017 brings!!
