Still grumpy

I have no idea who actually reads this (besides Charby) so leave a comment and say hello!

Chronic fatigue, depression and trying to write essays are really not a good combination.  I had an unusually productive evening last night and wrote 500 words.  I paid for it this morning though, felt like crap, tired and ill and not done any work yet today.  I have 700 words still to do on Sociology then Mental Health to do.  All I want to do is go to bed, sleep and read a book.

So my cousin's wedding was a huge waste of my time and money.  I didn't even want to go.  I can do without the upper middle class bubble that the rest of my family live in.  In my opinion, my private school education was wasted on me.  Yes the wedding was nice, lovely hotel, expensive, pretty.  But who cared that I was there?  Who in my family am I friends with?  Who in my family sat down with me and said so how are you, what;s going on for you and cared about my reply?  None.  Lots of polite conversation, sat between 2 cousin's at the wedding breakfast, but all superficial polite conversation.  Nut my mother would have moaned no end if I hadn't gone, but they just wanted me to be there!  They didn't actually want to talk to me or spend time with me, just to have me around.  That's all my birthday money I spent on two outfits and sandals for the wedding.  I didn't spend anything while actually there because I refused to by any of my own drinks etc in a posh overpriced hotel when I didn't want to be there.  I would have paid for a taxi back from the wedding reception to the hotel where we were staying, but my Grandma gave me some money for it.  

Then we come to my mother buying my love and attention and a relationship with her grandchildren.  She's spending £13,000 on buying is a new kitchen, in her words if she looks after us now she's hoping we'll look after her when she's old.  She wants us to feel obliged to take care of her in her old age,  She also thinks by buying us something big and spending a lot of money on us I will feel obliged to spend time with her and ensure Joel and Esther get to spend time with them etc.  I wish I could have said no to her buying us a new kitchen, but how the heck do I say no to a £13,000 kitchen?!  You can not buy my time or affection.  I will do whatever the heck I want with my time and my children.  If I fall out with mother in the future, when we move house in a couple of years, we could afford to pay her back for the kitchen.  I've had enough of her trying to be subtly controlling and manipulative.  Why can she not show her love by actually caring about me, being friends with me and not being a gossip?  Half the reason I don't talk to her is because she's a gossip.

Anyway, lunch and work.  I will get some essay done today!

Grumpy again!

I'm grumpy again.  I finished my first essay early which was good and got it handed in on time.  I'm now 2000 words into the 2nd essay (Sociology) which is 3500 words and due in tomorrow, but that's not going to happen, I'm  taking my extension.  I need to get it handed in by next Tuesday though to give me two weeks to write the last one (Mental Health).  I've not made much progress on Sociology today and yesterday after a productive day on Monday.

I'm going to my cousin's wedding tomorrow which I don't want to go to.  My mother just text me saying have I bought my cousin and her fiance a wedding present.  I refrained from replying and saying no I haven't bought them a present and I have no intention of buying them a present.  My parents have given them £200 if not more as a wedding present, why should I buy them a present?  I don't even want to go to the wedding, I'm only going 'cos mother wants me to go and she's paying for the hotel, meals and the train fare.  I've spent all my birthday money on two new outfits for this wedding, what more does she want?!

She does not realise or appreciate that I have 2 second year degree level essays to write and two children to look after.  Joel's going on a school trip to Birmingham Sea Life centre on Friday and I could have gone, so missing that.  She does not realise that I have no interest in my cousin's (upper) middle class posh expensive wedding or the boring conversations of my (upper) middle class loaded family.  I'm quite happy in my working / lower middle class life thank you very much.  I don't need their money, grandeur, poshness or boringness.

My birthday week I ate 3 boxes of chocolates and birthday cake and puddings on meals out.  My weight has been creeping up over the last year from being ill and eating crap.  So I finally decided it was time to lose some and found some motivation and discipline to do it.  I lost 5lb last week I think.  I might lose 2 or 3lb this week, but will obviously be eating anything and everything the 3 days of this wedding.  I am going to lose the nearly a stone I've put on in the last year!

Any way, rant over.  I will do some work now.  I wrote 600 words on Monday and 300 words yesterday.  Need to get cracking.