Christmas 2010.

We went to York Tuesday afternoon to Friday morning.  Tuesday evening me and Joel went to the Pantomime with my parents and brothers.  We’ve been going to the same pantomime for over 20 years.  It’s the same actors, the same jokes, the same story line, they just change the title!!  And they make enough money off the 2 months the pantomime runs to keep the theatre open for the rest of the year.  Joel enjoyed it and fell asleep towards the end but it was definitely worth taking him.  And I enjoyed it as ever, it’s part of Christmas! 

Wednesday we went to a friend of mine’s for lunch, it was lovely to see her and catch up.  Wednesday evening we had Christmas dinner as there were 8 of us and there was only 4 of them on Christmas day. 

Thursday I took Joel to Water World near my parent’s house.  I couldn’t take Esther because Paul didn’t want to come and I can’t take Joel on the water slides if I have Esther as well.  So I just took Joel and he loved it.  He went on 2 out of the 3 water slides a few times, on the lazy river / rapids and in the pool when the wave machine was on.  We had a great time.  In the evening, my parents babysat, Me and Paul went out for pizza, then I went to the pub with some school friends. 

Well with one school friend and a group of friends that used to be in my year but that I was never particularly friends with.  I love how I see these people once a year and we chat and have adult conversations, when at school some of them bullied me and to others I wasn’t worth talking to.  I like how they’ve grown up and turned out ok in the end, lol.  Most of them have high flying jobs in London though.  2 work in the Houses of Parliament, 2 work for the foreign office, 1 works for PayPal, 1 is a Social worker, another is a teacher in Scotland.  There’s a couple that still live in York.  But they’re just as much in awe of me as a pretty much full time mum with 2 children as I am of them with their high flying jobs in London.  Most of them don’t have much experience of children and don’t know what to do with them. 

So York was good, helped by my mum still being at work, so we only saw her in the mornings and evenings.  Friday we went home.  We went to some friend’s house for lunch, it was good to catch up with them properly as you never get to have decent conversations with people on Sunday mornings.  Then we went to the Crib Service at St. Peter’s in town but only 10 people turned up and we were 4 of them!!  After that we went to GPJ’s to say hello and so the children could get their Christmas presents. 

When we got home and put the children to bed I was so glad that we did all the present wrapping and organising on Monday before we went to York.  We had washing to do as we need to wash and repack. 

Christmas day the children opened presents then we went to church.  Church was good, love church at Christmas, it’s Jesus’ birthday, stuff the secular things about Christmas.  Nice to see friends on Christmas day and wish them a happy Christmas.  We then had a big roast dinner as a late lunch, opened the rest of our presents and started to watch the Nativity on iplayer.  We went to DM’s for tea on Christmas day.  Good to spend the time with her as she has no local family and we decided this year that we were spending Christmas with friends instead of family.  After the children were in bed we watched the rest of the Nativity.  Paul made bread in my new bread maker while I was making the Christmas dinner so we had that for supper.  So all in all we had a good day.  I banned Paul from his computer games today.  He just annoyed me because we were late for church because he was playing with one of Joel’s Christmas presents! 

There was no church on Boxing Day and we had a lazy morning then went to NT’s for lunch, she has no local family either and she’s such a great cook. :)  Second we went to CMD’s open house for an hour or so again good to catch up with them properly as you never get to have decent conversations with people on Sunday mornings.  Thirdly we went to the pastor and his wife’s house of our old church, they had a Christmas party for their children and grandchildren, us and 2 polish families they’ve become friends with.  That was good as 3 out of the 4 of their children were home.  Number two child now has 4 children so it was good to meet their new addition who is a month old.  They are Paul’s surrogate / second parents so  uwe’re quite close to them although we don’t see a lot of them these days.  Their first child who is also one of Paul’s best friends we hope to see at New Year.  So all in all a different Christmas, but good to do something different and spend time with friends instead of family. 

On Monday we repacked and headed to Bournemouth.  It took 5 hours instead if the usual 3 ½, this was due to traffic rather than the weather or any accidents.  We just spent time with Paul’s, and step mum and the three kids (15, 11 and 21 months) Monday evening and Tuesday morning.  Paul’s dad and step mum like having us around I think but they don’t really talk to us, ask how we are or what we’ve done / been up to since we last saw them (nearly 4 months ago). 

Tuesday afternoon we started doing the rounds of Paul’s extended family.  We went to his Gran’s and his step mum’s parents. This morning again we didn’t do a lot, just stayed in and went to his great aunties in the afternoon.  She’s great great aunty to our two little ones but she’s not as old as she sounds, lol.  There’s a just a big age gap between Paul’s Gran and his great aunty.  She is lovely and actually takes time to ask how you are and what’s new with you. 

Paul’s dad doesn’t seem well at all.  I think he’s had a bad cold or flu recently but he’s also had a bad foot as long as I’ve known him which is coming up 9 ½ years.  He had an operation just before our wedding so about 8 ½ years ago which was unsuccessful and he’s not had another one since as far as I know.  I don’t really know what the problem is, if I’ve been told, I don’t remember.  But he’s always in pain, has mobility problems and more recently gets disability living allowance. 

I’m moaning again, but more things that bug me about the in-laws.  They are always telling and implying that the 15 year old is fat and lazy.  She is not, she is an average teenager.  She does the dishwasher and other things when asked to and has a paper round.  She also looks after and babysits for the 21 month old when asked to.  She’s clever and appears to work reasonably hard at school.  She did GCSE maths 2 years early and her parents were saying she didn’t do very well as she only got a D.  However they were missing the point, doing GCSE maths 2 years early is an achievement in itself. Yet despite all this she is fat and lazy.  I mean I’m surprised she’s doesn’t have an eating disorder or something the way she’s treated. 

Also Paul’s dad does the cooking and the 15 and 11 year old do the dishwasher.  Looking after the 21 months old is a joint effort as is looking after and walking the dog.  I guess Paul’s step mum does the washing but it always comes across as the others do more than her.  Paul’s dad and step mum spend a good part of everyday watching kids TV and playing computer games.  It just all seems like such a waste of time to me. 

Anyway my bed is calling again.  The first night we were here it took 45 mins to get the children to sleep then Esther woke up at 4 and came in bed with me and I slept badly with her in bed.  Last night it took 30 mins to get them to sleep but they both more or less slept through, Esther stirred before I went to sleep but I managed to settle her keeping her in the cot.  Joel stirred a couple of times but he’s sleeping with me anyway so I settled him.  I still didn’t sleep very well though.  It took an hour to get them to sleep this evening and I just get annoyed with them.  Hopefully they’ll sleep through now though, I’m tired!  

Jealous, yes I know that's wrong

Two posts to follow.  One a general and boring catchup one, saying what I've been up to and how I've been, to document it for my own benefit as much as anyone else's who might want to read it.  And two, a Christmas post.  But I feel the need to skip to this one for now.  

We're at Paul's dad's.  A year or so ago they got a huge large flat screeen TV.  Also in the last years or two they've got a Wii fit, and XBox 360 and and PS2.  in the 4 months since we've last been here they've got another small flat screen TV for the wii and the PS2, new laminate flooring in the front room, and expensive new saofa and chair.  And for Christmas there Christmas present to each other, a XBox 360 Kinnect or something like that.  

It just annoys me that they live off benefits, don't spend it wisely, buy unnecessary things then complain about being skint.  They get a lot more in benefits than Paul earns, which annoys me in itself.  Roll on the benefits cap I say.  

We live sensibly within our means, are only debt is our mortgage and a loan Paul got to buy his car.  We don't use credit cards or buy anything on credit.  We have enough to live off and are happy, we just don't have a lot spare, can't afford holidays that don't involve staying with family or expensive clothes etc.  We have all the essential things and God provides for all our needs and sometimes our wants!!  I know I should be happy with this and most of the time I an content and happy with this and thank God for what we do have, that he is faithful and he provides.  But it just bugs me the way Paul's dad lives.  

So yes, God supplies all our needs and some of our wants... I was going to put boots on my Christmas list as a decent pair of boots is at least £50.  But then I found some that I liked in a charity shop and my size at the end of October.  I can't remember how much they were about £25 I think, but I bought them.  And have worn them nearly everyday since then.  

Another thing, I phoned Child Tax Credits and said I wasn't working any more and was unlikely to work again this financial year.  They gave us extra money.  This was nearly as much as we have spent on all the Christmas presents.  This was great as otherwise most of the Christmas presents would have been bought out of my very cheap to use overdraft.  

So  God is good, God provides.  I love my God.  He is greater than the things that annoy me and upset me.  He is bigger than my problems.  I know for sure that I would not have survived my teenage years without my God.  He's the best!!  

And now to bed, as I doubt the children will sleep through.  Night all.  

Breaking out!

So house group from 23/11/10... The Lord who breaks out!  So we were looking at 2 Samuel 5.  David hadn’t been king very long, the Philistines were attacking him and God breaks out a leads David to victory (a very simplified version!)  The points were God breaks out of our past, He breaks out of our circumstances, He breaks out of our expectations and He breaks out of our containment. 

The questions... 1) Do you think that you are defined by your past? How could you change that?  Yes, I think I am defined by my past, I am who I am, I am shaped by my past and things that happened in it but I am NOT CONFINED by my past. 

2) What are you expecting God to do in you and through you?  Anything he wants to do!  Here I am Lord, send me.  I expect God to fulfil his purposes for my generation and for me to do my part in making that happen, whatever that is. 

3) Do you feel contained by any circumstances?  In a way yes, I want a job, I want part time work so I have something to do as well as being a mummy.  But it appears that God has other plans and it looks most likely that I’ll be doing voluntary work for church.  Then there’s the mother who I should really call mum, but I rather like CF’s word of mothership she uses when talking about hers!!  I really want our relationship to improve and to talk with her about the past and my teenage years.  But, I don’t seem to have the courage or the confidence to bring these things up in conversation.  MS prayed for me that the things I want to discuss will come up naturally in conversation, I pray this happens as well. 

The next two house groups are cancelled as they are two close to Christmas.  So there’s no house group til the 11^th January, well apart from the Christmas party on the 11^th December.  :-)

So general things, I was pleased with yesterday, had a good driving lesson apart from messing up my parallel park and a productive day, I got loads of washing done.  Today was the church toddler group Christmas party, which was fun.  I like Tuesday’s at the moment and am really enjoying making myself useful at church, well as useful as I can be while looking after and watching my children.  

Invited readers only!

I'm debating whether to change my blog to invited readers only.  Not sure I like the idea of random people in the USA, Croatioa and Switzerland reading my blog!!  Any comments on that one?!  If / when I do change it, I think you'll get an invite to read it when I add your email address to a list of invited readers.  The 18 (I think) friends that I've invited to read this blog via Facebook will get invited. 

Bah Humbug!!

Is it really wrong to be a Christian and hate Christmas?!  Well I don’t hate Christmas itself, I just dislike lots of things around Christmas.  I hate Christmas shopping and I would quite happily give everyone money or pay someone to do my Christmas shopping.  I hate the commercialisation of Christmas.  I dislike the secular cheesy, pointless songs.  I hate the secular pointless hype of Christmas.  I hate family politics at Christmas and making sure we see everyone, buy all the relevant people presents. 

We don’t big up Father Christmas / Santa in our house.  The children go to be on Christmas Eve and wake up in the morning and there are presents.  And we leave it at that.  I will get the Christmas tree out and up at some point, but don’t want it up to early. 

I LOVE Jesus, LOVE that Christmas is the celebration of His Birthday and LOVE Christmas in Church.  We’ve decided that we’re doing Christmas out way this year.  We’re going to see my parents Tuesday – Friday morning.  Then spending Christmas Eve, Christmas day and Boxing day at Church and with friends.  Then going to Bournemouth Monday – Thursday and spending New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day at home.  No plans for New Year yet.  So we decided t avoid family on the key days this year. 

We nearly did it last year but when we decided that actually we really didn’t want to go we’d already made the plans and it was a bit late to change them.  So this year we’re doing it differently and doing it our way.  

General update of the last 2 weeks.

The previous post should have said 21/11/08 not 28/11/08 I think.  Yeah it wasn’t last Sunday it was the week before. 

So a two week catch up for my friends that aren’t local and whom I don’t get to talk to so much.  And also the going through everyday thing is an old habit from when I wrote a diary as a teenager from about age 14 – 20ish I think.  I figure people don’t have to read all of it. 

So from Mon 22^nd... Had a driving lesson and asked Paul to phone the boiler cover people to check someone was coming out that day.  Driving lesson was fine, Paul hadn’t phoned the boiler people as he said that they said yesterday that someone would come out between 8 and 11.  I phoned them at 11.15 and was told that we weren’t on a job list for that day and if we were someone would have phoned us between 8 and 11 not someone would have come round between 8 and 11.  Grrr, very annoying.  I refused to stay in for the boiler people on Tuesday, the one day I have something worthwhile to do and the one thing I do in the week where people will care if I don’t turn up.  So they didn’t come til Wednesday morning. 

Tuesday – Church toddlers – fun, good to do something worthwhile, useful and helpful.  It was good. 

Wednesday – Parenting course – good but a lot of the stuff we’re doing now Joel is too young to understand, doesn’t have the language skills to discuss or is too young to benefit from.  GPA had Esther and Joel, she’s been great and willing to look after them while I’ve been doing the parenting course.  On the subject of GPA, I’ve not told her about having post natal depression or about this blog and I probably should.  Wednesday lunch time was the funeral of an old guy from church.  He was half of one of the dozen or so couples that set the church up 50 years ago.  It was a great send off for him, a real celebration of his life. 

Thursday – Joel was full of cold, didn’t do much all day.  Went Christmas shopping on my own for an hour in the evening, then went to the surprise leaving do of someone at church.  It was good, but the same old story in some respects.  That same old story, I’ve not decided yet if I’m willing to share on here as I’m not sure if it might get me into trouble or not if people read it who shouldn’t. 

Friday – Still had a poorly Joel, but went to NT’s to distract her son and so my two could play with him while she made him a birthday cake.  It was good to chat and catch up. 

Saturday – Went to open house of the person who’s surprise leaving do was for on Thursday.  That was cool, and good to talk / chat to people. 

Sunday – What a busy day!!  Church, was an improvement on last Sunday.  Lunch with GPA and a mutual friend of ours from Sheffield.  NT’s son’s birthday party, I think all the children had great fun.  Then to my half sister in law’s (Paul’s half sister) 18^th party.  We went without children, thanks to GPJ for babysitting.  The party was a sedate affair but we wouldn’t expect anything else, they’re quite a reserved, quiet family.  Me and my sister in law (Paul’s brother’s wife) spent some of the party slaging off I mean talking about out father in law and step father in law, very naughty of us, lol.  I found out recently that my father in law gets more in benefits a year than Paul’s earns.  Bearing in mind Paul’s pays tax, national insurance, mortgage and council tax out of his wage.  And out of Paul’s dad’s benefits they pay none of those, the system sucks.  We give Paul’s dad the money we would have spent on food if we were at home when we go and visit them.  I’m now wondering why we bother.  Also Paul’s dad and half brother have things costing £40 on their Christmas list, and I just think they’re having a laugh!!  I did email and say that the things on their lists were out of our budget and could they suggest something else. 

Monday again – My driving lesson and not a lot else, but arghhhhh my test is in 10 days. 

Tuesday – Church toddlers, again it’s nice to have something worthwhile and useful to do.  The one day of the week where people would actually miss me if I didn’t turn up.  And Tuesday night the snow came. 

Wednesday – my parenting course was cancelled because there was too much snow and the schools were shut so people would not have childcare.  Esther is ill and Paul was off this morning.  My day consisted of walking to our local shop and back, exciting!!  

Thursday – I took and picked Joel up from nursery and that was a waste of time and nursery didn’t want him on Friday.  Joel's had a cough and a cold. I took him back to nursery today (after a week off), 2 days after I thought he was well enough to go back and I still got moaned at that he wasn't well enough and they don't want him tomorrow. He's fine in himself, he's not snotty and he's bored. But they said he's coughing too much and he's too whingey. They're so fussy.

Friday – I stayed in all day with a poorly Esther and a bored Joel.  Friend from church came round in the evening so I could help her with a job application form. 

Saturday – Me and Esther had a lie in til 10.30, see she must be ill!!  Technically it was Paul’s turn for a lie in but I told him he wasn’t allowed a whole night’s sleep and a lie in.  Since I’ve slept with both children for the last 2 ½ nights and he’s ended up in Joel’s bed.  Took Joel to a birthday party at soft play this afternoon which was good to catch up with a couple of friends.  Esther was invited as well but she was too poorly, although she still got a party bag.  :-) 

Sunday – I made Paul stay in with Esther this morning.  I was on Sunday school and he was supposed to be driving the mini-bus, but I told him that he was more easily replaceable than me and he had to stay in with Esther, lol.  Also I stayed in with the children for 3 days.  So for him to stay in half of Saturday and most of Sunday with Esther is fair, lol.  I was on Sunday school practicing for the Christmas play, so I wasn’t actually in any of the service apart from the presentation for our Assistant pastor and his family that are leaving to plan a church.  Then there was bring and share lunch at church as well.

A large part of everyday this week apart from Tuesday has been staying at home with poorly children.  Joel was at the end of a cold on Monday then the last 5 days Esther has been ill, clingy and whingey.  So I’ve had lots of broken nights sleep and not much energy.  I’ve had time to do housey stuff but not he energy or have had the energy and not the time because the children wanted my attention or and cuddles.  This is the story of my life at the moment!! 

So how am I? The 21^st and 22^nd I wasn’t great, but the rest of the week was fine.  Then this week I’ve been tired, grumpy and frustrated at not getting things done, but not feeling down if you get my meaning and understand the difference. 

Things I have read – Not alot!!  Friends and friends of friends blogs.  Matthew 13:1 – 9 & 18 – 23.  Seeking first God’s kingdom is to seek not only to know his message but to nurture it like living seeds in our hearts.  And I’ve also been reading this little (Christian) booklet about depression, it’s only 28 pages long and I’ve been reading it for about 2 months, lol.  Up to page 20 now :-) started reading it before the William Lee nights and before I was healed, it’s got some helpful stuff in it.  Need to finish it so I can post it to LH. 

Anyway I think that’s it for my mammoth rambling everyday update.  

Sunday (28/11/10) - A write off!!

Taken me nearly 2 weeks to get round to writing, that’s not good.  Sunday (28^th November) was a bit of a write off.  The children had slept badly and I was tired.  Then Paul stayed in bed and then went in the shower and didn’t help me get the children ready, which always annoys me.  If we are late for music practice before church because Paul has not helped me get the children ready then that is not my problem!!  The children were then stroppy, clingy and whingey at church and I was already tired and in a bad mood so they didn’t help. 

I don’t at all mind Paul playing in the band and indeed I pushed him into it in the first place but when he hasn’t helped me get the children ready, then the children were playing up, it’s on mornings like this that I resent him playing because I want him to help me.  If he’d helped me get them ready and we’d left for church relatively relaxed and not late, then the children had played up I would have coped with it much better than already being wound up and grumpy when we got to church.  But I guess that’s fairly normal, the trials and tribulations of being a parent!!  And yes I have told Paul he needs to help more in the mornings, some days he does some days he doesn’t. 

Anyway then both children want picking up in the service or they’re running round and going on the steps to the stage.  I refuse to pick either of them up cos they’re too heavy, but if they stand on a chair by me then I cuddle them.  Esther went to play in crèche no crying and no fuss which was good and is unusual for her.  But Joel cried when I left him in his group, I took Esther to crèche, went to the loo, came back and he was still crying.  I took Joel back upstairs with me and cried out of frustration at a horrible morning.  I didn’t want to cry I was not upset, just frustrated.   GPJ took Joel back downstairs and he settled for her. 

Then when we got home there was a bang in the kitchen and one of the fuses went on the main circuit board.  Paul went to buy some more, put one in and it immediately went again.  So he gave up and we phoned a random emergency electrician and got a Christian one who under charged us. :-)  It took the electrician ages to find the problem, but the wires behind one of the sockets in the kitchen had melted together, once he found the problem it was quickly fixed. 

An hour after the fuse went, the boiler started leaking.  The fuse blowing had caused and electrical fault in the boiler.  Paul turned the water off then a plumber from our boiler cover service came and isolated the boiler’s water supply from the mains water supply so we could at least have cold water.  We were told someone would come out at fix the boiler on Monday (that was tomorrow).  So by the evening Paul had missed the Kilburn service and we had no central heating and no hot water.  Not a good day!!