It was snowing Friday morning but I’d decided what I was going to do and was determined still to do it, lol, silly me.  Took Joel to nursery and went to Asda and town then picked him up from nursery.  I got everything I wanted apart from some shoes for Joel in the Clarks sale.  Silly though as I got cold and wet, but I got my jobs done, lol.  Just house-y stuff and looking after children on Friday afternoon. 

Friday was mine and Paul's 10th anniversary, 10 years yesterday since we started going out.  

This morning was my turn for a lie in.  :-) So I got up at 10 and did not a lot.  Paul took the children to do a couple of jobs, buy a new cat flap and buy a part for the tumble drier.  So on having the house to myself I went back to bed and read my bible and notes :-) After lunch I went on a bike ride because I need the exercise.  I did 5.6 miles, in 35 mins approx, not bad.  So that’s two bike rides this week, a good start to the year.  Now I just need to do the healthy eating to go with it, not doing so well on that bit.  Apart from eating mash potato and a bit more veg instead of oven chips, if that counts?! 

As is usual for me at the moment I am ok but bored.  Life is caring for children and house-y stuff / jobs and that is not enough for me!  A friend has moved from Osmaston / Allenton to Spondon so I may be able to go to the Wednesday aqua fit now with her as she’ll be driving over there.  I’ve only made it to the Tuesday one once because it’s been cold, dark and wet and I couldn’t be bothered to make the effort to get there. 

I was thinking about jobs and interviews, I thought I’d had 7 interviews in the last year but I can only think of 6.  I thought I’d had 6 for children’s centre jobs but maybe it was 5: North / South Chaddesden, Kirk Hallam, Becket, Alvaston and Pear Tree.  The other one was for a social work training scheme.  Can’t remember what the 7^th one was, maybe there were only 6.  But in all of them I was not good enough and beaten by people with more experience.  But I’m stuck in the rut of I can’t get any experience because no one will give me a job!!  I was reading about the government cuts to day and more specifically for Derby City Council.  My chances of getting a job now are even slimmer.  So roll on the Hope Centre opening and I hope there’s plenty for me to do!! 

I’m hoping and praying that LH has coped and survived today.  It’s 2 years today since her mum’s brain haemorrhage.  I know she will have struggled but I hope she’s ok.  I’m sure I’ll find out soon, next time I catch her on Facebook chat.  I’ve been thinking about her and praying for her.  Kind of wish I was with her today, but we talked and in the end decided she may be better off with her local friends today as it’s them she needs to talk to more than me at the minute.  HINT, HINT LH!!  I’ve thought about her a lot today though so lots of love and hugs being sent your way hun. 

And now again as usual, my bed is calling me.  

Ouch!

Paul came off his bike twice this morning, then gave up and walked home.  He was only a couple of streets away.  Roads that are normally gritted hasn't been.  He was a bit shaken up, 3 minor bruises  / scrapes and a bigger cut / bruise on one leg.  he's generally ok though, thankfully.  Also good that nearby cars stopped in time / weren't going fast.  He cleaned his cut, got changed and went to work in the car.  He was late, but he had a good excuse and because he was late he was able to give me a lift to nursery to drop Joel off and a lift into town saving me and Esther getting cold, waiting for the bus.  I'm sorry he fell of his bike and hurt himself, but I appreciated the lift into town because he was late.

So me and Esther did a bit of shopping.  Really pleased with bargain price Clarks shoes in the next size up for Esther only £5.  Didn't find anything for Joel though, unfortunately.  Going to try the other Clarks shop.  Also bought Esther 2 tops as she got a top and skirt set for Christmas and the top is too small but the skirt fits so bought a couple of different tops to go with the skirt instead.  Then went to St. Peter's church toddler group.  Esther was really independent today, going off to play and not needing me.  And I say this regularly, toddler group is always good for a bit of normal conversation with adults and friends.

Didn't do a lot this afternoon.  Chatted to a couple of friends on face book, watched a bit of iplayer and did some housey jobs.  It's the 5th anniversary since CF's dad died, so a hard day for her.  But I think she's ok and showing how she still takes time to remember her dad but she is moving on as well.  Also chatting to LH, it's nearly the 2nd anniversary of her mum becoming ill.  I think, well I know she's struggling, so lots of prayers I've needed there.  I've offered a couple of times to go up, but she's said no.  She's coming down hear in a few weeks anyway, so I'm looking forwards to that.

Joel's had a good first couple of says at nursery.  And Joel and Esther have been reasonably good this afternoon, well an improvement on Tuesday anyway.  Generally I'm ok but bored and tired.  Looking forwards to the new year and whatever it has to bring, it has to bring something new and interesting.

Bored and fed up!

Bored and fed up and we're only 5 days into the year.  Argh. The children were being horrible yesterday. Getting things out then not playing with them. Getting weetabix out and all over the sofa. Every time I tried to do anything they fight or trash something. Paul's mum said she was coming over after she'd dropped the girls off at school, which I took to mean 9.30/10. I rang her at 10.30 and she's not coming til 11.30, which is annoying. I wanted to go out at 10. Then I was fed up. And when I was trying to persuade Joel to eat the rest of his breakfast and he knocked the bowl out of my hand and it went all over the carpet. I was not impressed.  My coffee pot that I got for Christmas broke.  I rinsed it in hot water then the bottom broke on it while I was drying it.  I couldn't even make a decent coffee!!  We had a good couple of ours and lunch at soft play though.  But then the children continued to make lots of mess (more than usual) when we got home.  I went to Asda when Paul got home.  I bought myself a new coffee pot, a dishwasher safe one this time, hair straighteners - just cheap ones to try out, new drinks bottles for the children, 2 new bed sheets for us and some food!  So being at home today was pretty pants!  


Today was better but it was Joel's first day back at nursery.  He had one strop before breakfast because he didn't want to put his uniform on but he was fine after that.  I had a driving lesson then an hour to myself at home (bliss, even though I only put the washing away in peace).  Me, JPJ, Joel and Esther went to DM's for lunch so that was good for chatting and adult conversation!  Esther was clingy when we got home which was annoying because I didn't get as much done as I wanted to.  


The bottom line is I'm bored!  I want a job either paid or a voluntary one at church.  However I do not want a job that I'm over qualified for or an unskilled job.  I want a paid job that is a decent career move.  And in the current climate they are few and far between.  But if I'm working voluntarily for church, I'll do anything, skilled or unskilled, for church I will do a job I'm over qualified for.  But role on something I'm bored of not doing anything.  

Hair Straighteners!

Had a friend from the church toddler group over today and she comes to church on and off as well.  It was a relief for her to be out and about I think.  I think the school holidays are stressful and hard work for my friends that are single mums.  Also not all of my friends who don’t have cars can be bothered to trek out to my house on the bus.  But Paul was off today so he picked them up and took them home.  I don’t want to expand too much on here but her 3 children are a handful for her and I think she finds being a single mum quite stressful and at times depressing.  But I hope today was a break from the norm and a good chance for us to chat and catch up. 

I went into town this afternoon to spend my Christmas voucher and money.  I got a pair of jeans, a cardigan and 2 tops in Dorothy Perkins and a jacket in Next.  So I’m pleased with that although I daresay my clothes critics and fashion advisors (NT, DM & GPJ) won’t approve of my choices, lol. 

Anyway on to hair straighteners.  I’m considering buying some.  I’m still wildly rebelling against the idea of using hair straighteners because everyone else does, to fit in and because straight hair is in fashion.  But I’m fed up of my frizzy messy hair and at least it might look half decent if it’s straight.  Also I think I look like my mum did at my age with straight hair.  So we’ll see.  I had a look at the in Boots today, but I think Asda had a better off on them on or I preferred the Asda ones.  I can’t quite remember.  I’ll go back to Asda in the next couple of days and have a look.  

That same old Story.

So 4 posts in an evening.  Two of them I’ve had half written for ages.  This post I’m hoping is specific enough to get my point across but vague enough as to not be slagging off or bitching about specific people. 

So that same old story that I've mentioned before (in post from 5th December) but haven't yet expanded on.  I'm fed up of church in a way.  Fed up of not being good enough to talk to by the “in” / “popular” crowd. I’m fed up of feeling like because I don’t wear the right clothes, wear make-up, straighten my hair and generally be girly that I’m not good enough to talk to.  And I totally realise that this is probably a reflection of how I feel and see things rather than how things actually are.  But I know at least a few other people who generally agree with me about people being clicky / cliquey.    

But at the same time I don’t want people to talk to me because they’ve been told to or because they feel sorry for me, that happened to me at school. I want people to talk to me and be friends with me because they want to and because they like me. Church at the minute is just as bad as school was and I’m fed up of it. Yes I know this is probably more a reflection of how I feel than what is actually true. And I hate fake hi how are you conversations when people aren’t really interested. But I don’t know what to do / how to change things. 

And now Joel’s peers / the children the same age as him are starting to get older and more aware, I’m sure they’re starting not to play with him / include him, well at church anyway. And I hate it when people talk down to him he’s 4 now. He seems to play well with the children at JJ’s, but I guess most of them are a year younger than him. 

One friend at church does a condescending I should look out for people and make time for them, but makes it obvious that she’s spending time with you because she ought to not because she wants to. And she’s joined the popular Hilton / Mickleover crowd anyway. 

I think I may have put this in a previous post, but I can’t be bothered to go back and check.  We found out recently that Paul’s dad gets more in benefits that Paul earns. That’s a third more than what Paul earns that they get with no rent / mortgage or council tax to pay. The system sucks. When we go and stay we give them the money we would have spent on food if we were at home. Then Paul’s dad and his Paul’s half brother have put things costing £40 on their Christmas lists. I mean as if. We aimed to spend £10 - £15 per person, well I aimed for £10 per person. I’ve given up childminding and I didn't work October half term cos Amy didn’t need me, so I don’t have much money to spend on Christmas presents, grrrr family.

New Year.

So carrying on from where I left off 3 posts ago.  The original plan was to come home Thursday but we wouldn't have got round to see all Paul’s family so we decided to come home Friday.  Thursday, Paul’s cousin came round in the morning before he went to work, we get on well, so it was a laugh catching up with him.  He works shifts and his wife works 9 – 5 so unfortunately they weren’t both free at the same time, so we didn’t see his wife.  In the afternoon we went round to Paul’s Nanny and Granddad’s, his mum and 2 half sisters were there as well.  So we spent the afternoon with them, exchanged presents and chatted. 

The journey home was better than the journey down, 3 ½ hours instead of 5.  Paul ended up going to Sheffield for new year, my sister in law was going to a party that my brother in law didn’t want to go to.  So Paul went over to play computer games with his brother and they drove up a hill to take photos of fireworks over Sheffield at midnight.  So they had fun I think.  GPA came over to ours and stayed the night.  We gave the children a long bath as they got various new bath toys for Christmas that needed trying out, lol.  After the children had gone to bed we watched a chick flick and had wine, Christmas cake and chocolate.  So we had fun too. 

Saturday GPA stayed until mid-afternoon by which time Paul was home.  So we played with the children, I did house-y stuff and tried to fine homes for all the new things the children got for Christmas.  We are enjoying the bread maker that I got for Christmas.  I think we’ve made 4 loaves now, very tasty. 

This morning we went to church.  I should have been on Sunday school, but I didn’t realise and I also (perhaps selfishly) refused to do it anyway.  I’ve not been in a service for 4 weeks, I think someone’s messed up the Sunday school rota for my team to be on.  Last week was Christmas day so it was a family service on Saturday instead of Sunday.  The week before was the Sunday school play and a family service.  And the 2 weeks before that we were practicing for the play.  So I’ve not been in a proper service for a month and I didn’t want to do Sunday school. 

As it was I still missed a chunk of the service because Joel didn’t settle in his Sunday school group and didn’t want to stay.  So I ended up staying with him for 20-30 mins or so.  Paul took him down and brought him back up after a bit because he didn’t want to stay in his group.  I said to Paul don’t just let him not go, he needs to be there, we need to work out why he’s taken a dislike to it and sort it out.  So I took Joel back down and missed the end of the worship and the start of the sermon.  But hey ho I was in most of the service and it was good, I really miss the services when I’m on Sunday school or we’re not there. 

We had a lovely afternoon, went to the pastor of our old churches house for lunch.  When we went on Boxing Day 3 out of their 4 children were there, children 2, 3 and 4.  Child 2 has 4 children, the youngest of which is 4 weeks old, so I think I said in my Christmas post it was nice to meet her.  Today Children 1, 3 and 4 were there.  Child 1 is a year older than Paul, is Paul’s childhood best friend and has 2 children with the 3^rd due in 4 weeks.  We’ve not seen him for a year and his wife for longer than that.  So it was great to see them and catch up. 

Then we went to another family’s house from our old church.  We normally see quite a bit of them but for one reason or another we’ve not seen them for 6 weeks, so it was good to catch up with them.  That’s the story our Christmas and New Year really, catching up with various friends and family. 

Generally our trip to Bournemouth was ok.  It felt more than ever this time that Paul’s dad and step mum like having us around but they don’t actually want to do anything or go anywhere with us.  Indeed they didn’t talk to us that much either!  I don’t know why we bother most of the time! 

I’m starting to wonder now what this year will hold.  I need something new and different to do.  More than just being a full time mum.  Whether that involves getting a job or doing stuff at the Hope Centre, I need something.  At the minute I’ve only got as far as my plans for the next 5 days!  Which friends I’m going to see, which toddler groups I’m going to and sorting out time to go shopping and spend my Christmas money!  

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to anyone who actually reads this.  Take care and God bless for 2011.  

Boring catch up 7th - 20th December.

Monday (7^th December) I can’t remember what I did, lol.  Probably house-y stuff, a driving lesson and the nursery run.  Tuesday (8^th December) was the Church toddler group Christmas party.  That was good fun and enjoyed by all.  Did some Christmas shopping after that. 

Another week, 3 weeks in a row of poorly children.  Joel had a stomach bug on Wednesday (8th December) which of course meant that going on school rules he can’t go back to nursery for 48 hours after.  So another 3 days of having Joel at home.  Wednesday the parenting course I’m doing was cancelled again cos only 2 of us turned up.  So a day at home, and Joel’s was ill.  I also accidentally stood DM up.  We were supposed to go to hers for lunch, but I put the wrong day in my diary, woops! 

Thursday (9^th December) after a rubbish night’s sleep and a rubbish morning up until about 10 am me and Esther had a lovely rest of the morning.  We went to a toddler group for an hour, went shopping, had lunch in a cafe and did a bit of Christmas shopping.  So that was a good turn around on a rubbish morning.  Paul went to work at lunch time so we went home to look after Joel.  My driving test was cancelled on Thursday morning due to the snow and ice.  Friday (10^th December) we’ve done nothing apart from a trip to Asda for a few bits and boring house-y stuff which really does bore me. 

That’s 3 weeks of poorly children.  Two weeks ago Joel was ill from Thursday to Tuesday.  Then Esther was ill from Wednesday to Monday of the week after.  Then this week Joel was ill Wednesday to Thursday.  I hate being housebound.  I’m a sociable person I hate being stuck in the house with the children. 

And did I mention I’ve been bored in the last 3 days?!  Toddler group on Thursday was good for a bit of adult conversation. 

Saturday (11^th December) was the House group Christmas party, it was good although there weren’t many there.  Sunday (12^th December), in the morning I was on Sunday school, we were practicing for the Christmas play which for me is just basically crowd control and trying to persuade children to be quiet and behave while they are waiting to go on and do their bit.  The evening was the family church Christmas party. Which was good fun except Paul was ill so he didn’t come and he wouldn’t have come anyway he was still going to go to the Kilburn outreach.   

I can’t remember much about the week 13^th – 17^th December, So I assume nothing of significance happened.  Tuesday (14^th) I had a driving lessons, my test is rebooked for the end of January.  And DM and her 3 boys came for tea.  That’s always fun, the children play nicely together and it’s always good to chat to DM.  Wednesday (15^th) was Joel’s school play, he was a present.  He dressed up, stood up and sat down at the right times, but I’m not convinced he knew any of the song words, lol.  But at least he took part.  I went to the 2^nd half of the parenting course.  Then Joel had his nursery Christmas party in the afternoon.  So it was a day of lots of to-ing and fro-ing.  Thursday (16^th) I went to St. Peter’s church toddler group.  Me and Esther went to a coffee shop first, which was nice.  Can’t remember what I did on Monday and Friday so I assume it was general childcare and boring house-y stuff. 

Saturday and Sunday were a bit manic.  I should have gone to a Sunday school play rehearsal on Saturday afternoon but I didn’t make it.  I needed to make Sunday lunch and wash my hair and a couple of other things on Saturday morning and I didn’t get it all done, so I didn’t make it to church.  Went to open house of a friend from another church, that was good, nice to catch up with her.  Then took the children to the pastor’s and his wife’s house from our old church as they babysat the children at their house for us for a couple of hours.  I went to DM’s 30^th Birthday party.  Helped her set up.  It was good fun, we had a laugh and it’s good to chat to friends without our respective children being around as well.  DM was disappointed though she should have had 3 people flying over from home and their flights were cancelled due to the weather.  We still had a good night though and I hope she enjoyed it. 

Sunday, the morning service was the Sunday school play, it went well, the donkey messed around lots as he did in rehearsals, but never mind, all went well.  My mother in law and two of my half sisters in law came for lunch, hence making it on Saturday so it was quicker to do on Sunday.  I then took the children to St. Peter’s church in to, they had a children’s nativity service, it was good, cute and informal.  A great turn out of toddler group families about 45 people I think.  I then took the children to a coffee shop to kill some time, we all had drinks and they coloured for a bit.  Following that on the walk to church was a special treat, a ride on the merry go round on the market place.  After this was the church carol service which was great, really enjoyed it, and the children were well behaved.  Paul didn’t come, he went to the carol service at Kilburn. 

Monday (20^th) did house-y stuff.  Joel had an appointment at the eye clinic at the children’s hospital.  He had a sight and they said that patching his stronger eye to make his weaker eye work properly is working and the sight has improved in his weaker eye.  So that was good news. 

So that’s it, a general catch up for my own benefit really more than for anyone who might actually read it.  But generally I’ve been ok, just bored and I want something new and different to do or and a job.