Keep going...

So a weekly update.  I could easily start with the same paragraph as last week.  I’m sat in the library tired and would rather be doing nothing or have gone back to bed.  But I need to do my children’s essay.  I’m up to 1300 words though so 2700 to go and 8 days to do it.  That’s 340 words a day.  That’s not an unmanageable task.  Not helped by not doing any work yesterday though. 

I need to plod on, keep going.  I’, not convinced I’m writing the right thing though.  I’m not critically evaluating or critically analysing enough.  They are not things I am good at!  I can write about the subject area etc but I’m not critical enough.  Anyway, plod on…

Where am I at?

So where am I at?  The same place as usual!  Sat in the library about to start my children’s essay, when I’d much rather have not got up in the first place this morning or alternatively have taken the children to school and then gone back to bed! 

By dissertation by some miracle is finished and handed in without me using my extension. I finished it last week then spent a few days proof reading and editing.  I am also grateful to the two friends who have read it for me.  I had my dissertation printed and bound on Monday and I handed it in yesterday.  It’s due in today. So well done me.  Now to start my children’s essay for which I currently have books, an essay plan and the first 100 words, which is a start I guess. 

Paul is the same as ever.  Does mostly what he likes when he likes.  Never gets up at the same time as me in the mornings and never comes to at the same time as me.  He’s been doing some job hunting and is applying for some jobs, but not enough. 

Me, no change really, always really tired regardless of how well or badly I have slept.  Feeling pretty rubbish and down.  I hate / strongly dislike having one or probably two invisible illnesses. 

Anyway, must get on.  

The dreaded law exam!

I've probably text most people who read this by now but...

I am in shock!! After failing the mock law exam. I got 55% (C) in the reflective account (essay), 75% (an A / 1st) in the exam and a combined grade of 69%!!! (1% below an A / a 1st). It just shows that apart from the one thing I missed out of the mock exam that made me fail, the rest of my mock exam must have been good!!

The usual moan!

I’ve not had a moan yet this week, so here goes!!  I’ve got about 1800 words to go on my dissertation and about 10 days to do it (if I don’t use my extension).  I’ve written an essay plan for the children’s essay, that’s 4000 words and due in in 4 weeks.  I feel like I’m doing my dissertation without any / not much support.  My tutor isn’t very approachable or easy to contact, and when I have emailed her she’s not given me much advice. 

A new friend from church brought me a book to borrow that I needed and I hadn’t even asked her if she had it and if I could borrow it!  I had just said it was on my Christmas list and no one had bought me it.  So I now have her copy to borrow for a couple of weeks. J 

I’ve been pretty tired and achey this week, and not feeling great in myself.  Paul’s definition of making an effort is doing more jobs around the house, it doesn’t involve making and effort in talking to and supporting me more!  He has or is applying for a couple of jobs this week though. 

Would love to go back to bed or have not got up in the first place!  But I need to plod on, small / slow progress is better than no progress.  I rebelled on Tuesday morning and kicked Paul out of bed at 7.15 to sort the children out and take them to school and got up at 9.45.  I should do it more often, but I rarely do. 

I can’t remember what (else) I was going to write now.  So I’ll plod on with my chapter 3 and might come back and edit this later.  

Don't want to do this!

So what would I like to do today?  Stay in bed, have a lie in, not take the children to school, stay in bed and read a book, then have a nap, then read some more and watch some iplayer.  I'm 2 weeks behind on Call the midwife and 3 weeks behind on The Voice I think.  Sadly that's not going to happen.  

I slept reasonably well, about 11 - 6.  I feel like crap this morning though, really tired and down.  Got up and took the children to school.  Now in the uni library.  I just submitted my draft work of my dissertation so far through "turn it in" and it came back at 9% so that's ok. "Turn it in" looks at plagiarism and if you've quoted stuff without referencing it etc. I'm up to 7000 words now, so 3 - 4000 words to go and 3 weeks. I've finished the first draft of my chapter 2 and the second draft of my chapter 1 so I'm not doing too badly!!

Need to plod on despite feeling rubbish. Any progress is good progress. And if I stay at home I'm very unlikely to do as much work as I would in the library. So on to proof reading and editing chapter 3...

Half Term

So the obligatory I should be working blog post.  I’m back in the library after not coming in for about 12 days.  I wrote last week off for uni work.  I had 4, 5 – 6 hour shifts at work, 2 lectures and took Joel and Esther out to play twice plus Joel had a hospital appointment.  At the beginning of half term Me, Joel and Esther went to Newcastle for the weekend.  Which was fun, tiring and some good but hard conversations. 

Last weekend we went to York on Friday and came back yesterday evening.  I don’t have the energy or time right now to fully overview half term or both weekends.  We went to the Viking museum on Saturday afternoon, as Joel is doing the Viking Museum this half term at school.  Esther wanted to go swimming and Joel wanted to go to the cinema but no one was really willing to take them. 

Saturday and most of Sunday there were 9 of us.  Sunday evening there were 14 of us for dinner and 19 later on.  A combination of aunties, uncles and cousins plus my parents and brothers.  Monday was my Grandma’s funeral.  It was a lovely service and was well attended.  Even though it was my Grandma’s funeral, Everybody who’s anybody in my mother’s life turned out to support her which was really lovely to see.  Joel and Esther went to play with my old youth leader while we went to the crematorium then we picked them up and took them to the after do / lunch at a hotel with us. 

Didn’t enjoy the weekend though, hard work, no fun, felt very unsupported by those that were there.  Supported though by friends who text and messaged me, thank you.  J I can’t be doing with my family or extended family.  No one talks to me, no one’s interested in me.  Some of them say hello and gave me a hug, then didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day / evening.  I’m fed up of being ignored, not fitting in and not feeling wanted or part of the family.  I don’t know why, I have my suspicions that it’s because I’m not rich enough, not posh enough, not girly enough (not bothered about make up or a posh hair do), have no interest in the (upper) middle class bubble that they all live in.  Who knows?!  But I’ve had enough of it. 

Anyway, must try and concentrate, must do some work.  I need to finish my chapter 2 and start my chapter 3.  Word count wise I’ve got anything from 100 – 300 words to write.  In content I need to detail my journal articles a bit more and say more about the research studies.  Hopefully get chapter 2 finished this afternoon.  Anyway, as usual, back to it!  

Grandma

So, my Grandma's funeral is Monday 16th.  What hymns would a 96 year old supposedly non Christian choose for her funeral?  Apparently Onward Christian Soldiers and Angels Voices Ever Ringing Round Thy Throne of Light.  Both of which I know the tunes to but only know the first couple of lines without the words.

Mother says Grandma wasn't a Christian and who knows where she is now 'cos she's not in heaven.  I beg to differ.  She has always shown and interest in Church, went occasionally and I don't think it's for mother to say where her heart was.  She has heard the gospel more than once over the course of her life.  And just because she never told mother that she had given her heart to Christ or become a Christian, I don't think that means that she never did it.  I wouldn't be surprised if she quietly believed in her old age.  That's what I think anyway.

Anyway, I have 4 half days at work this week and 2 half days at uni.  And we're going to York Friday - Monday.  So busy, busy, busy and I need to go to bed.  Night all.