Joy's Wedding

An interesting weekend… Paul’s half-sister got married yesterday.  I was invited, I didn’t want to go.  Strangely, no one questioned if I was invited, no one questioned if I was wanted there, no one questioned if I wanted to go.  Paul’s mum and 2 half-sister’s all assumed that I was invited, they wanted me there and that I wanted to go. 

It was alright.  It went better than I thought it would be.  Paul’s mum and 2 half-sisters made it clear that I was welcome and that they appreciated me bothering to turn up.  What upset me was that Paul was clearly upset in the worship yet the chances of me giving him a hug or asking for a hug or the chances of me asking him what’s wrong or him actually talking to me are fairly minimal.  I just want my husband back.  I just want him to love me and support me and for me to do the same in return. 

The Pastor who took the service had been married 40ish years.  And said he got married in the days when something was broken you fixed it.  I was thinking about this.  Mine and Paul’s relationship was / is broken.  But, why should I have to fix it on my own!? 

We’ve had too much family time for my liking recently.  Paul’s brother and sister in law came over on the Easter bank holiday Monday, then the wedding yesterday and Esther’s family birthday lunch today.  I know I could not turn up and I know I could refuse to go or not turn up.  But it does Joel and Esther good for us to see me and Paul getting on.