Bored.

Much respect for my friends who are full time stay at home mum's and home educators.  I'm just not cut out for either.

Four weeks after I handed my last essay in and I'm bored.  Well actually I was bored a week or two after.  After the novelty of lots of free time had worn off.  My kitchen and bathroom are super clean.  I even cleaned the inside of the windows (a rare occasion).  This morning I have to wait in for someone to come and fix the boiler, we are missing out church toddler groups.  One of the  few things I have to do in the week that's doesn't involve having coffee or lunch out.  So toddler groups, going out for coffee or lunch and house work, there must be more to life than this!  I need a job to save me from boredom.  not fussed about the money, just something to do and some good work experience.

Mother's not phoned in the last week.  Not sure what to do on that front.  I guess see how Joel's four sessions go with the speech therapist.  Two before the holidays and two after.  I'm contemplating going to the GP and saying Joel's had grommets and his hearing is now normal.  He's had his tongue cut as he had tongue tie.  His speech is still not developing as we would like and speech therapy work with him is very slow progress.  Can they suggest anything else / refer us to a paediatrician  or doctor who assess special needs generally.  Or see if the GP just says it's education / school's responsibility.

Right, I guess I'll go and find something to do.

Storm over.

Well the storm seems to have finally blown over.  Mother just phoned being all normal, although not quite as chatty as usual.  She thanked me for my Mother's day card then my dad moaned at me for not phoning her yesterday.  They were asking about uni and what we did yesterday and that was about it.  Mother said hello to the children.  Not as chatty as usual as she didn't ask what I'd been up to, how the children are or how Paul is.  Not that our conversations are predictable or anything.  What annoys me is in asking about uni I told them yet again that I've finished until September cos they second half of first year is placement and I'm doing mt placement next year.  I've told them this several times, they don't remember things I tell them and they never actually seem interested.  I told them I passed everything but they didn't ask about my grades.

So, my grades:

Attitudes and Values Group Presentation - A

Attitudes and Values Essay - B-

Human Growth and Development Group Presentation - B

Social Policy Essay - B-

Inter-professional Practice Essay - C+

I'm chuffed 'cos I thought I'd got like a D- in the Attitudes and Values essay and I got a B-.  

I've not written about church yesterday yet, but I will at some point.  I need to put the children to bed now.  

3 Days

So I've not been up to much, I've been bored and lazy.  If I stopped being lazy then I might not be so bored, but hey ho!  Thursday, I had coffee with one of the mum's from school.  Then didn't do a lot after that.  Messed around on Facebook mainly.  Friday, Esther was at her childminder's.  A uni friend popped round for a bit then I finished a job application and took it back to the school.  I also cleaned the inside of most of the window's which is a rare occasion!!  Friday early evening is a youth club outreach.  It was good, although I always feel I'm not good enough at talking to the young people and am not friendly enough.  I'd rather hide in the kitchen and run the tuck shop!  This morning I wasted watching rubbish on iplayer, still it was entertaining rubbish!  Met a student from church for coffee this afternoon which was good.  I won't go into details, I don't think she'd want me to.

But on the whole I've been messing around on facebook or watching iplayer when I should be doing house jobs.  Just makes me feel useless and lazy.  But they're boring and I have no motivation to do them.  That's normal and life though I guess.

I feel like this whole thing with mother is hanging over me all the time though.  Makes me feel rubbish.  Mum emailed me on Monday, I replied on Wednesday and I've not heard from her since.  I just hate the way she makes out that I've hurt and upset her when all I've done is stand up for myself and stand up for Joel.  I refuse to apologise when I've not done anything wrong.  Anyway I'll stop.  I'm sure I'm starting to sound like a stuck record.  Can you tell it's really bugging me!

Reassessment.

So Joel has his speech therapy assessment this morning.  The therapist said Joel's not made the progress she would like in the last year but he has made progress.  They're taking a slightly different tact, changing the scheme of work slightly and adding some new games.  The speech therapist is coming in herself and doing four sessions with Joel.  The teaching assistant said this is almost unheard of, and she can't remember the last time the speech therapist did this.  The teaching assistant will continue to do short 10 minute daily speech therapy sessions with him.  There's no point paying for private speech therapy when it won't be any more beneficial or any different.

As I said in my reply to mother.  His teacher and teaching assistant are happy with his progress.  He has made progress in his toileting (which is now sorted and normal), his reading, writing and word learning.

I think my current goal and aim is just to hope they're talking to me.  And to get through the Easter weekend staying there but avoiding conflict.  We're going to a wedding on Easter Saturday and mum and Dad are supposed to be looking after the children.  We'll go Friday sometime and leave Sunday sometime.  Might try and make it a short weekend.

Right, it's lunch time and I have jobs to do.  I had better get off here.

My reply

My reply to Mother's email on Monday.  

Hi Mum.  I had no intentions of hurting or upsetting you.  My emails were merely an honest, blunt reply to your queries.  You periodically ask the same questions and make the same suggestions and you receive the same answers.  You wrote me a letter saying the same things you said to me on the phone on Christmas day and you received the same answers I have given you in the past.  You just don’t seem to take on board or remember this information. 

Joel had his speech therapy assessment today.  The speech therapist says he has not made the progress she would have liked.  But he has made progress and this is positive.  The speech therapist is planning on doing 4 sessions with Joel over the next month or two.  I can’t remember without looking when they are scheduled for.  Joel’s teaching assistant will continue with the daily speech therapy with a new scheme of work and some different games to play. 

You have to also look at other areas of his development though.  He has mastered toileting.  His reading, word recognition and writing are the lower end of average for his class but he is not really behind, just a little.  He’s by no means bottom of the class.  This has been said by his teacher and teaching assistant on several occasions.

There is no benefit at the minute of additional private speech therapy.  They would only do the same things that happen in school all ready.  Joel is too young and doesn’t have the concentration for hour long sessions. 

Take care.  

So, I'm ok.  Yesterday I went to the park with a friend, 4 children, 2 bikes and a double pushchair.  The children had fun, so did us mums, hard work though.  Didn't do a lot yesterday afternoon which was nice.  Lost Esther to her God parent's for a couple of hours.  Tuesday is church day.  Toddler group from 10 - 12 and I'm helping run a creche for the parenting course we're running from 1 - 2.30.  So I take Joel to school, go to church and pick Joel up from school.  This evening was house group.  I was asked to lead it at the last minute yesterday evening so I hadn't had much time to prepare, I think it was ok though.

However, this whole thing with mother is hanging over me, I'm dwelling on it, thinking about it too much.  I'm ok / fine but a bit down at the same time if that makes sense.  Mother just makes me feel rubbish and I don't know what to do about it.  It's just the fact that she's so oblivious to everything.  And she makes it out to be all my fault.  When it's so not.  I don't know how to respond to her email.  Because I'm not in the wrong, she is.  Arrrrgh don't know what to do and to keep thinking about it makes me feel rubbish.

Bubble and B*****ks

Bip,

I am saddened by your assertive and critical response to my query.  I thought I sent a loving, caring letter to you.

I do forget things and that will get worse with age, as will fussing.

We all have our faults.  Paul’s Epistles tell us ‘none of us is perfect, no, not one’. 

But is there a place for unfriendly comments in a loving family? 

John and Mark are never anything but loving and caring to me and would never be rude or hurtful.  This may be a mother-daughter thing, but is it helpful?

But you will decide how you want to be.

Love mum

A lovely email I had from Mother first thing this morning.  She is totally oblivious to hurting and upsetting me.  Happy in her middle class wealthy bubble of her successful business and her perfect boys.  How dare the Sunday Christian go all high and mighty and biblical on me.  Her letter was not unfriendly then?  This email also reads John and Mark are perfect loving boys.  Why are you mean and nasty to me.  It's all your fault why have you been mean to me.  Grrrrr oblivious to reality.

Now to a nice calm coffee before the school run.