This years bah humbug post!!

I often think about writing / blogging then don’t get round to it or write in my diary instead. 

Christmas?  What’s it really about?  Christmas for me is all about Jesus.  The Saviour of the World, the King of Kings, the miraculous birth. 

What do I want to do at Christmas?  Go to church on the Sundays either side of Christmas and go to church on Christmas day.  (I know Christmas Day is a Sunday this year). 

I’m so Bah humbug, I’m such a scrooge.  I think I’ve written similar posts at Christmas before.  I strongly dislike a lot of things about Christmas.  I dislike the hype, the commercialisation, the shopping, the food, the trees, the presents, the family time, the fakeness, the obligations. 

I’ve ditched a lot of Christmas this year.  Paul, Joel and Esther put the tree up.  I’ve avoided nearly all the shopping and wrapping.  I’ve bought presents for Paul, Joel and Esther.  I’ve found out what my family want and instructed Paul in what to buy.  Paul’s done all the rest of the Christmas shopping on Amazon and all the wrapping.  It’s not that I begrudge giving and spending money on people, I don’t at all.  I just hate the shopping.  I’d quite happily give everyone money / vouchers and skip the shopping part. 

The food – I don’t intend on cooking anything out of the ordinary!!  Going to my parents for the weekend so no cooking for me!!  I’m not that fussed about turkey or roast dinners.  I don’t like Christmas pudding, mince pies or Christmas cake. 

I’m not into playing happy families and fake family time.  I spend approximately 3 or 4 weekends a year with my older brother and his wife.  I spend a bit more time than that with my younger brother maybe 6 weekends.  My brothers are not my friends and they know very little about me or my life.  My older brother especially is snobby, arrogant, ignorant and rude.  My parents again have never been my friends or emotionally supportive and they don’t know much about my life or my friends. 

Going to the in-laws is worse.  I’m not going this year, I have refused to go.  I have been married 14 years and I still feel like I don’t know my in-laws very well or that I really have a relationship with them.  Well Paul’s Dad and step-mum anyway.  I get on with his mum.  He’s spent roughly £250 on presents for his family and extended family and another £100 on Premier Inn to go and stay for 3 nights.  I just don’t get it.  I just don’t see the point.  I’d rather buy Christmas presents for close friends who openly love and support me day in day out than for extended family who we see for 2 weeks of the year and who we don’t talk to for months on end. 

I am also not up for playing happy families when me and Paul are barely talking and have no relationship or marriage.  He lives like a bachelor / house mate with a bit of parenting thrown in most of the time.  So I said to Paul that I’m not going.  So there’s my Bah humbug post for now!!

What do I want for Christmas?  I want my marriage back.  I want my husband to be my partner and my best friend.  I want my husband to support me and talk to me.  I want a new school place for Joel, I want him to be happy, to make new friends, to be more confident.  Failing a miraculous change in my husband, I want my independence, I want to move out, I want my own house.  I want to be well.  Screw you chronic fatigue and depression, I just want to feel ok, to feel good and have energy.  I want to grow in my relationship with God, I want to stick by His side, to trust Him and have faith in Him unreservedly.  The things I want for Christmas are mainly thing that money can’t buy, but that God can provide. 

Being selfish I want:

-       My driving license back

-       More hours at work

-       My own house

-       Financial independence

So we’ll see what 2017 brings!!  

Grades.

So… my grades…

Children’s module – 60%

Law – 69%

Adults – 52%

Dissertation – due back on 28^th May

Placement – due back at the beginning of October 

If I get 60% or more in my dissertation and Placement I’ll scrape a 2:1.  Otherwise I’ll scrape a 2:2, which I don’t know if or how it will affect my job applications.  But still I’ve done a 3 year degree over 4 years, I’ve been ill for 2 of those years and have done all 4 years with 2 young children and negligible support from extended family and a little support from Paul.  So a 2:2 would be fine, it’s just I got a 2:1 in my first degree and I thought I’ve done it before, I can do it again!  

Politics!

I have refrained from posting my political opinions on Facebook.  But I’m gutted!  5 years ago I had no real political opinions. Four years of a social work degree and studying social policy have taught me a better understanding of politics. 

So my understanding, Scotland chose not to vote for independence.  Yet now the majority of Scotland have voted for the SNP which has caused Labour and the LibDems to lose a load of seats which has had a huge impact on Westminster and the political make up of England and the whole of the UK. 

This country now faces another 5 years of austerity, cut backs, tax breaks for the rich.  I may well be being stereotypical.  I haven’t done the research but I heard that 66% of the UK voted.  What’s the betting that was the wealthiest 66% of the UK?  People think their vote doesn’t matter or count, it does!  

Plod on...

I’m tired, grumpy and cold, sat in the library at uni trying to work but lacking in motivation and concentration.  I have 2000 words to go.  I need to write 333 words a day in the 6 days I have available to work before the deadline.  This should be easy, slow progress, but I just want to go home and do nothing or go home and go to bed!  I feel like I’m waffling as well, I need to somehow be more concise and critical.  :-( Oh well plod on… 

Keep going...

So a weekly update.  I could easily start with the same paragraph as last week.  I’m sat in the library tired and would rather be doing nothing or have gone back to bed.  But I need to do my children’s essay.  I’m up to 1300 words though so 2700 to go and 8 days to do it.  That’s 340 words a day.  That’s not an unmanageable task.  Not helped by not doing any work yesterday though. 

I need to plod on, keep going.  I’, not convinced I’m writing the right thing though.  I’m not critically evaluating or critically analysing enough.  They are not things I am good at!  I can write about the subject area etc but I’m not critical enough.  Anyway, plod on…

Where am I at?

So where am I at?  The same place as usual!  Sat in the library about to start my children’s essay, when I’d much rather have not got up in the first place this morning or alternatively have taken the children to school and then gone back to bed! 

By dissertation by some miracle is finished and handed in without me using my extension. I finished it last week then spent a few days proof reading and editing.  I am also grateful to the two friends who have read it for me.  I had my dissertation printed and bound on Monday and I handed it in yesterday.  It’s due in today. So well done me.  Now to start my children’s essay for which I currently have books, an essay plan and the first 100 words, which is a start I guess. 

Paul is the same as ever.  Does mostly what he likes when he likes.  Never gets up at the same time as me in the mornings and never comes to at the same time as me.  He’s been doing some job hunting and is applying for some jobs, but not enough. 

Me, no change really, always really tired regardless of how well or badly I have slept.  Feeling pretty rubbish and down.  I hate / strongly dislike having one or probably two invisible illnesses. 

Anyway, must get on.  

The dreaded law exam!

I've probably text most people who read this by now but...

I am in shock!! After failing the mock law exam. I got 55% (C) in the reflective account (essay), 75% (an A / 1st) in the exam and a combined grade of 69%!!! (1% below an A / a 1st). It just shows that apart from the one thing I missed out of the mock exam that made me fail, the rest of my mock exam must have been good!!