I’ve been trying to write this since Sunday so I’ll make some effort to distinguish between the days. 

Sunday morning was a week off, I wasn’t on Sunday school.  Our Pastor preached on being people of influence.  He preached from 1 Corinthians 9: 24 – 27 and had 3 points.  1) We should be better than average.  We need to compare ourselves to God’s standard not to other people.  2) We need to live for something bigger than ourselves.  We need to live our lives for the Kingdom of God and for what is to come.  This is what should come through when times are tough, when things fall apart.  3) We need to reach for our potential in Christ.  There has to be things we do differently that we live to fulfil God purposes for our lives. 

We can pray about things all the time but sooner or later we have to do something about it.  Ouch!  This hit home for a couple of different reasons.  One of which I’ll share now, the other one I’m not ready / able to talk about yet. 

Our house group leader asked me after the service if I would lead house group on Tuesday evening.  I said yes then came home and read the study and thought ouch, and I thought a certain person has put me up to this (but I was wrong) and suggested to our house group leader that she ask me to lead.  I read the study and thought yes I can lead the study, it doesn’t mean I have to share ;-)  Then went to the Kilburn outreach on Sunday evening as Paul was playing and needed me to do the words.  There was a full band on Sunday evening instead of just one person leading.  Each band member gave their testimony including Paul ;-) then our worship leader preached. 

The retired pastor who runs the Kilburn outreach said to me thanks for sending me your testimony (I emailed it to him), let me know when you’re ready to share it in a service, I thought yeah right!  Then in the service I really felt that God was saying to me that you should share on Tuesday and you can do it!

On Monday I took Joel out and left Esther with Paul.  We went to the Silk Mill to look at trains and planes and then had a picnic in the river gardens.  So that was fun!  In the evening I babysat and my friend left me her laptop and didn’t tell me the password, lol so I couldn’t actually use it.  Then my phone battery died.  So I was internetless and had a good quiet time and started to read a booklet I’ve had for ages.  I also rang Paul for the bible study questions for Tuesday night so I could think about the answers and I wrote my testimony of post natal depression and how I think God has healed me. 

On Tuesday we went to a coffee morning at a friends house which was good.  They children played nicely and let us mums chat, lol.  I found out today that I didn’t get the job, which is annoying.  Apparently I wasn’t empathetic enough in my answers to case study questions about how I would work with families.  This is nit picking and means that they gave the job to someone with more experience, but they don’t actually tell you that. I’m not that bothered.  I have new things to do, parenting course, voluntary admin work, meeting with my mentor sort of person from church, Aqua fit if I make it next week!!  And also looking forwards to the Hope Centre opening in January and getting stuck in and getting involved.  So God has a plan and this job wasn’t it.  That’s fine. 

So house group, I was still undecided as to whether I would share the testimony I had written or whether I would chicken out.  However in the words of my children “I DID IT”!!  I think it helped that there were only 6 people there, the one before there were 12 people there.  The ladies said I’d been brave to share and that sharing could only be a good thing and was a step forward.  I said that I had had post natal depression and not many people knew.  I didn’t dwell on that or really expand on what I felt like when I had it or what it was like to live with it.  I gave the dates I had it then spoke about how God healed me and how I’ve had the best two weeks for months. 

Wednesday, we went to the fun day at church.  I had my friend’s son and my half sister in law to help me.  It was so nice to have my children around but not be totally responsible for them!!  I helped as well, ended up running the bouncy castle, tidying up etc.  This evening I went round to a friend’s house from church who I’ve asked to chat and pray with me, to be a sort of mentor.  We had a really good talk, but hard.  It’s really helps that she’s actually interested, asks questions, listens.  That’s more than my parents, lol.