The Future.

So the other post I’ve been meaning to make for over a week.  The thing I didn’t share from YFriday (31/10/10)... Before I had Joel and when Joel was a baby, I always said that I could have 2 or 3 children, have 10 years off work and still have 20 years for my career.  I thought this was my idea and my time frame.  However I realised / God spoke to me / I really felt that actually this is God’s timing.  I actually think this is why I haven’t got any of the jobs I have applied for.  Why I was unsuccessful for silly reasons that were just nit picking at answers where I could have said a little bit more.  I realised that I had been going my own way and following my own agenda not God’s agenda. 

I know this is taking this verse slightly out of context but it came to mind that evening.  “e all like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way, but the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all” Isaiah 53:6. 

So the rough plan is: 2006 – I had Joel, 2009 – I had Esther.  2011 – Joel will go to school.  2012 – Esther will start nursery.  2013 – Esther will start school.  I will go back to uni to do an MA in Social Work in September 2012 / 2013.  I will go back to work in 2014 / 2015?  I don’t know, that’s a possible rough time scale.  It could all change again!!!  But I am no longer job hunting. 

However I am not a long term full time mum, so I said to God if that’s the plan to have 10 years off, what am I going to do, I need things to do other than being mum.  God answered this prayer on Sunday evening. 

In the last month I’ve not had any “low / down” days.  I’ve had a few stressful / annoying early mornings that means from 7.30 – 9.00am.  That is trying not to get annoyed with Joel when he’s being annoying and not getting dressed / eating breakfast when I want him to and needing to be all fed and dressed and out of the door by 8.50am.  Some days he doesn’t want to walk to nursery and I make him so he’s stroppy.  But come 9.00 or 9.10 if we’re really late Joel’s happy and settled in nursery and I am no longer stressed.  Before I would have been down for the rest of the morning at least.  I’m looking forwards to a few mornings coming up when Paul will be around so I can take Joel to school on his bike cos he will be at home to have Esther.  Joel will love that.  :-)

During these odd stressful hours I’ve felt like the devil (or whatever you want to call him) was having a go saying you’re not healed, you’re no better, you’re worthless, you’re no good.  But God counter acted all that on Sunday evening by saying or just me feeling that I AM HEALED, I can get upset and fed up but that’s ok, that’s a normal part of being a parent, I’m HEALED.  So the devil can GET LOST!!  I remember as a teenager a friend saying as part of a prayer in a prayer time “and the devil can just get lost” and I’ve always remembered the phrase, lol.  Sometimes I feel like I’m actually having a conversation with God, make of that what you will. 

Carrying on with Sunday evening, the way I thought was my way is not my way but God’s way.  So I was seeking God for the next step.  I went out for prayer after the preach on Sunday evening (I’ll share what the preach was in another post).  Our pastor prayed for me and the lady who preached prayed for me as well.  She said that God sees my obedience to Him and He sees my heart and knows what I’m passionate for / about.  I felt that God gave me new direction on Sunday and answered my prayers from last Sunday and during the week.  I think the plan is / His plan for me is to get involved with the Hope Centre as much as possible.  As I said above I am no longer job hunting and am looking forwards to the Hope Centre opening. 

As I phrase it I worked church toddles last Tuesday for the first time in a long time and enjoyed it.  It’s good to be doing something useful and that I’m good at not just looking after my children.  One of the Tuesday volunteers has a new job and can’t do toddlers any more so I’m looking at whether I can work it on a permanent basis but there’s a few practicalities to sort out.  I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m doing some Admin for the Pregnancy Crisis Centre that’s being set up at the Hope Centre and there’s other new projects that will start soon so I’m looking forwards to all that and getting stuck in.  There’s a slight issue with child care in that some things at the Hope Centre I’ll want to do without my children, but I have a few friends who are willing to look after the children for me so hopefully one of them will be free at the right time when needed.  But I feel that child care is a minor issue and it’ll be sorted / things will fall in to place at the right time. 

The other thing if I’m no longer job hunting is money.  We can live off what Paul earns, child benefit and child tax credit.  My God shall provide all my needs (Isaiah 58:11) and we never go without for anything.  It’s just extra things / things that we want but not that we need which is where the extra money would make a difference if I had a job and we had extra money coming in.  But it’s by no means essential. 

So bring on the future, bring on the Hope Centre opening and all that God will do.  Be expectant and excited.  :-)